It has been calm months over the Mediterranean Sea… Ever since the magical GinCup trophy found its new king in the heart of the Roman umpire, most of the best looking golf gladiators in the modern era put their weapons down for a while. To lick their wounds, to heal the scars that have been left after another feerce event in which hopes have been demolished and dreams bursted left and right.
But just when things seemed to have calmed down a little too much. Just when you couldn’t even hear the waves flushing onto the shore. When you could hear the seagulls farting. - There was this beautiful enchanting call in the distance:
„Döt-döt-döt
Dö-dö-döt-döt-döt
Dö-dö-döt-döt
Dö-dö-döt-döt-döt“
It was time - time for 11 members of the GinCup Team to leave the grief behind. To forget the pain they have suffered. It was time to pack the bags, buy some sunscreen and put the bathing suits in the laundry. Ballermann is calling!!!
While the most succesfull players in GC history - Pete and PJ - have to sit out this time (Pete with serious kneeissues that he can only win world championships in paddle with. And Philippe because he couldn’t keep his Mamba in the pants) the rest of the pack is moving south again to conquer the 17th federal state of Germany - the most beautiful island in the world - Mallorca.
A pristin organization leading into the event brings us to one of the favorites for this edition. You could call Robert a home favorite as he found his second home on this Balearic jewel and knows the courses best. He has played a lot and will be hard to beat on the scoreboard if it wouldn’t be so easy to play with the sensitive soul of the dudelange Grizly bear that knows more annoying golf jokes than he has off center hits during a full golfseason.
Talking about off center hits - The center piece and heart of the GinCup and most unexpected champion in a decade didn’t hold back once more and went far and beyond generosity to let the Squat shine in new outfits. But not only did Obi pour us over with presents. He kept the group together and delivered the beautiful plan to bring the Bermuda Triangle back to full strength. To team up to have a legend back in our middle shows what a good person slumbers behind a stupid face. Golfing wise he is always a scare. An absolute surprise package that will never have to be worried to hit rock bottom, but can reach for the stars at any given day.
The biggest favorite by far is again Chris. Having played 409 rounds in the past 365 days. That is more than the amount of Vodka sodas he had in the first week of May. It would be ignorant not to see the determined machine from Limpach lift the trophy another time.
As the reigning champion Robi flys onto the island very unprepared, nobody is really sure what to expect yet. The new format of a rest day before the competition gets underway might be the trap that can get costly for our little mermaid. Will he still be able to walk on Sunday morning or will his flight partners have to tape his butt cheeks together for the backswing?
Even more in danger of being drawn in the depth of the Megapark is a man that once scared the king and most famous person of the island - the Matador of Manacor - Rafael Nadal. Back in the days he took the bull by the horns and wrestled him to the ground. Let’s hope this time it’s not the red horse shitting him in the face!
The third corner of the triangle has the longest journey. And we couldn’t be more happy to have him. The smooth operator from Cape Town will make another appearance in 24. We know Jan Solms will perform on the tables of the Bierkönig. But might exactly that be the reason that the smell of the onion will get to him indefinitely?
An all time favorite for the place in the basement is the still record holder for most onions. He brings his new favorite word „Clausthaler“ with him and most likely run a 7 day calesthenics challenge during the week in Palma. The poor thing got so much involved in watching teenagers play volleyball that he will have trouble focusing on balls. Our snakeman Bob is ready to ditch the onion with new won physical strength.
Which brings us to another midlife crisis hit copy of mankind. While the German smartass was riding 15.000 km on his far to expensive bike to be happy with a colorful medal like a 12 year old after a park run, it definitely didn’t help his shortgame to keep him out of trouble to swim in the onionsoup at at the end of this week. Tim will need one of his aero helmets to survive this time.
Surviving will also be the motto for Igor. The double onion seems to be in all kinds of trouble. As newspapers report, the Serbian badminton machine lost his swing like Djokovic will lose his no.1 spot next week. And if this wasn’t enough… the always well maintained beauty got hit by sickness in the final stretch of the preparation. As insiders report the doctors diagnosis was devastating: „your a pussy, get on with life“ - and to add a South African truth: Because the honey badger doesn’t give a fuck!
And Bigi? Where is Bigi? He hasn’t been seen for a long time. Trustworthy sources claim that he has a flight to Mallorca and that he also still has golf clubs. Unfortunately, those 2 facts alone are enough that he won’t have to fight against ultimate defeat as the chilled Italian Panda will bring the scrambling skills with him.
Last but not least is our always smiling Paffi. Close people claim the shoulder surgery last year made him do some changes to his physical appearance. As we hear he lowered his center of gravity by quite a bit and is ready to oerform as a rescue buoy in case any water activity is planned. We can’t wait to see the happy hippo take on the stage.
Eleven men - Eleven lifes. But only one dream: To become the „König von Mallorca“ and „Prinz von Arenal“. Let’s get serious. It’s GinCup week!
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